Hash 557 – Freke Arms @ Hannington

Date	Hare	Scribe
20 Jan 2019	David	Maurice

It’s so easy being the scribe on a Hash Mag when David Buirley is the hare. The first half writes itself. All I had to do was make notes while he briefed us before we set out. You might want to skip forward here as the “setting-out” bit will be far down the page. David started off by pouring flour into two neat heaps. Then he proceeded:

“There will a few new joiners today so I’ll demonstrate the markers. Two heaps mean that this is on-on. Well, generally it means that.”
“Generally?” someone asked.
“Well I don’t mean generally in the general sense, more like always, but definitely not so in every case” responded David as he waved his bottle of flour around threateningly.

Nobody said anything. We have all been used to the Prime Minister, or Maybot as she is now known, confusing the nation doing a very similar turn before someone re-boots her system. If David was going down with the same problem this could be a long introduction and some of us had hoped to get home by tea-time.

“The two heaps tell you everything you need to know if you just follow them and not any other heaps which specifically don’t mean on-on,” David assured us. Some nodded as if they understood which was a worry but I suppose if you analyse it slowly it was clear enough. Nobody stirred as there might be more. But there wasn’t any more. David, being a good doctor, reverted to his bedside manner for a dying patient.

“Blast you all to hell if that’s the way you feel. You can Fuck Off and I’m heading over to the pub.” You could see that he already felt much better about himself.

“But which way is the start?,” asked the GOM because someone had to and he was the GOM after all. David looked at him blankly as if he and we were in a dystopia of parallel worlds. We could hear the click as he re-booted.

“Underneath the arches,” he shouted and we were off before he burst into the song of the same name.

Phew! So now …..

**** The “setting-out” bit ****

Now let it be said at the outset that David does a damned good trail. Plenty of flour, reasonably spaced, clear directions and he normally cycles around the area to make sure everyone is on the correct trail. You couldn’t ask for more though it would have been interesting to know where the bike came from. Maybe he cycled over from home, or maybe there was a bicycle charity shop in Hannington, or maybe he nicked it. I never asked but I will before his next hash.

We did see him again a few times as he cycled furiously past us in the opposite direction. Somehow, he picked places where he was cycling downhill and we were struggling uphill and at a disadvantage. He yelled abuse. Used terms that would have suited a master on a slave ship in Roman times. He’s a doctor, for crying out loud.

There were eight runners which was great as we had been reduced to two or three on occasion during 2018. Even at that, Keith had to walk because of a gammy knee, Mike walked because he has a gammy knee though that will be cured next week when he has the operation, and Viv had a cold, and Caroline walked for some unknown reason – sniffles probably. The numbers are on the rise even with injuries.

I should say here that we are very excited about Mike’s operation. A core support group has been formed to get Mike back on track again. We chatted about appropriate runs over the next three years – 5k, 10k, half-marathons. Gently does it. And then 2020 and the London marathon. He’ll be nearly eighty by then so we expect to break records. We don’t have Annie on side which is a shame but she’s a walker and simply doesn’t understand runners. She has a good pair of pins though so maybe we could encourage her to start running. Hmm – another agenda item.

And so we jogged through dappled woods on a lovely day, ran across early Spring fields, a bit on hard surface but not too much, jumped a few stiles and skirted several lovely villages and churches. It was a delightfully mixed hash.

The company was good as well. We had Elena with us who has a runner’s physique and why not as she is Colin’s daughter. She brought along her partner, Rob the Tax Accountant, who got around quite well. He raced Colin at one stage and landed in a lot of thorns when he tried to elbow past. He needs to dig a bit deeper if he wants to outpace Colin, though we did quietly advise against it. Des was in good form and very cheerful as he has lost so much weight and ran the whole route with only one stop. And then there was Sue, out in front as usual, John always at a steady pace and the two dogs, Maisie and Rocky. What a lovely group to run with!

We got back to the Freke Arms before the walkers. The landlord had put an area aside for us which was sweet. David provided bowls of chips which was even sweeter. GOM made a speech and thanked David for being a fantastic hare and said this hash could be the best one this year. It’s only January, Keith! Even so, David has set the standard to a new level and I’m the hare next time out, so no pressure.

Mike got the shorts as he should have something suitable to wear when he’s in the hospital. Rob got the horn for trying to outpace Colin which was a hoot. He and Rob agreed to set a Hash in April so at least this time we might get the horn back.

Thanks David. Great hash!