Hash 413 – Greyhound @ Letcombe Regis

Well there are hashes, and there are hashes. Some we remember for the wonderful trail and others for the bonhomie in the pub afterwards. This hash had both so let’s start at the end so I can get it all down.

Drinks were ordered and a story was told about George Clooney who asked every good looking woman to sleep with him. An interviewer said: “You must get slapped across the face a lot” to which Clooney replied: “Yes, but I also get laid a lot.” That was enough for Kathy to launch into a list of sexy men and she put Tim McInerney in at number one. The blokes had no say on this one so sat back and enjoyed the show until somehow (how do women do that?) the topic changed to endoscopy when Jean said she had been in for a throat procedure. Kathy had been in there as well and they had met, I think – it got very confusing – and we then had far too much detail about cameras down throats.

I had been in the same unit a few years back and it turned out it was the same camera room, except I had the camera up the arse. We wondered how they handle that. I supposed they clean the camera with a bit of tissue and call the next patient. You can imagine a Father Jack with the clip-board shouting “Next!”: throat, arse, throat, throat, arse, arse.

Viv was away with the fairies during this exchange, which seems to be happening a lot lately, an emerging 60 no doubt. She broke in with: “Tonguing can be very salty sometimes!” No idea where that came from. Can you see how difficult this hash mag is turning out?

While on the matter of 60, Kathy told us she would be that great age the following week on 17 July. I have to say she is in good nick. We had a hit and miss conversation about her making out on the day but I think we drifted from the topic at some stage so we will have to wait for the next hash to hear how she made out.

Even a round of drinks got confusing when the guys could not remember the beer on offer and chose “the one on the left” to make it easy. I wonder in retrospect if we had been affected by the sun.

Margaret joined us at the pub. GOM had just said to me on the run in: “I wonder what happened to Margaret” and next thing she drives up the road. Scary woman! She told us she had been at a school reunion and was looking forward to another big reunion next year. It seems they are cramming them in as they are all getting on a bit.

This brings me back to the latter part of the hash where we passed an up-market retirement home, which started two conversations at once. One conversation was about starting our own retirement home and interviewing the staff. The blokes were in favour of young Filipinos for nurses but the women but a damper on that. Their contention was this: on the probability that they would be the last to exit they had the high ground and should be in charge of interviews. Very Disappointing. Oh, the parallel conversation was Kathy continuously asking everyone why 60 is a problem? We were very polite and assured her we had never let such a thought cross our minds. The answer could be in the question of course, Kathy. I was going to explain about man-years and woman-years which would have helped clarify the dilemma for her but as she was nearly a birthday-girl I bit my tongue and, boy, did that hurt.

Earlier on, the runners and walkers had met crossing a style into a field where there were two big dray horses with masks on. The walkers were not happy with the loose horses, or it could have been the face-masks although you would think the women would be ok about them, so the runners stayed with them for a few dozen metres and then ran off. That was fun!

And before that we passed an area with a large herd of deer. John , who was hare, had run some way with us and said there were three amazing bucks in there that he had seen earlier when laying the trail. We think he made it up.

The other hare, Viv, ran with us for a while which livened the run up a bit. Always good for a laugh is our Viv, even if she is losing it a bit. She does say some outrageous things as noted above and one of these days we will take her seriously, and then what?

Which brings me to say a few words about the wonderful trail across open fields, through dappled woods and by stream and meadow. It was an enchanting run, superbly laid, and the day was glorious.

And that takes me back to the start but there’s not much I can tell you about that as the hares did not do the usual with the flour and we just took off. It was a low turnout as it was holiday-season. There were several walkers but only two runners to save the day, GOM and myself. In the speech afterwards GOM urged the hares to set this trail again in the autumn when everyone is back from holidays. I certainly endorse that as it was the Trail of the Year so far. Well done, hares!