Hash 432 – Cross Keys @ Great Bedwyn

Date Hare Scribe
09 Mar 2014 Jeremy Maurice

We were back at the Cross Keys in Great Bedwyn where the KVHH was first started by Navy Mike. It was also the first time since Viv did a swallow-dive into the pavement. Such memories!

432-1This was a beautiful day and as I walked up the street to the pub there sat Val, Lynn and Kathy on a bench-seat in the glorious sunshine looking like a million dollars. I had this moment of inner reflection when I thought these women are getting better looking as they get older. Then Margaret pitched up wearing pink lipstick and Annie looked fabulous and I thought this could be good news for when we all end up in a home and want to move our wheel-chairs a bit closer.

And then along came Di and Fiona and Claire and Caroline, oh, and Viv was there as well. If this is a case of the heat of 2014 getting to me then all I can say is “bring it on!”
The blokes were their usual bedraggled selves. David B in rags plus a new KVHH tee-shirt which was in good condition and obviously given as a gift; the hare for the day, Jeremy, was in wellingtons which didn’t augur well; Brian wore mixed colours none of which suited him and John was in long pants and rounded shoulders which made him look washed out – but more about that later.

I could go on and on about the dress sense of the blokes but the hare called order and when Guy asked to be informed of the rules of the run, the women all talked over each other at the same time. It was as if someone blew a whistle and their little beaks all opened. I still don’t know how they can hear and talk at the same time. The blokes just watched, ever fascinated.

432-3Jeremy sent us on our way. Andrew’s dog headed out in front with Andrew stretched on the lead behind. Then surprise, surprise, Fiona was out there with him and she stayed in front. She clearly has no concept of the hierarchy and was deliberately given the awful pink shorts at the end for being forward. If she has to wear those a few times she will get the message and hold back until the elite runners of the last century go through first. Even Sam tried to get out there with Fiona and Sam of all people has been around long enough to know better. She is recovering from an operation so a few sharp elbows soon got her back in place. Honestly!

432-2This is wonderful country and we lapped it up. There were lots of circles to force a halt so we could look around and admire the forest plants sneaking through, and then over headland and into valleys, across railways and over canals, up mucky tracks with giggling and sliding and the competitive streak was there as if we were in Chariots of Fire. I haven’t seen spirits so uplifted in a while and it was joyous.

I like chatting on the hash. I ran with Des and we covered the rugby the previous day when Ireland hammered Italy, and looked forward to the England game in the afternoon against Wales and went through our expert opinions on players and managers. If only the coaches would listen to us.

Viv ran with me for while but she was in her head so conversation was jumpy. On reflection I realise she was running with her eyes on the ground in case she became a cropper again. She actually called me an ambulance-chaser because she said I was hoping she might do a nose-dive again this year. Well, of course I was, my dear, and I had a camera at the ready as well.

She ran with John for a while and then left him to walk. When I caught up with him it turned out he wasn’t feeling great, difficulty catching his breath and no energy in his legs. Poor guy, and Viv had just run off and left him there struggling. Heartless.
John and I discussed what could be the diagnosis. I suggested flu but he thought that was a bit tame, so I ticked off the next worst things: maybe the onset of pleurisy or TB or a dose of the clap. It’s going the rounds and I thought that if he realised it’s something with a name then he wouldn’t be down about how he feels. He didn’t see it that way, so it must be serious.

432-4We had a good bit of fun after the run in the garden of the Cross Keys. Conversation was interesting. Des and Jeremy went off on one about the Scots and Independence, insisting they should see the economic and currency arguments and vote “No.” I suggested tentatively that they may want to consider that the SNP has an emotional attachment to independence and if it doesn’t work out, sure the English could invade again. Actually, if the English took an emotional stance themselves and said: “Please, Please don’t go” that might be a better third way and the Scots would wilt and vote “No” as they realise they are loved so much. They did a Viv on it and just looked through me. It obviously wasn’t the time to bring up the occupied territories – i.e. Northern Ireland.

The conversation changed to singing. Neither can sing but I don’t buy that. If I can sing in the West End, anyone can sing. I recommended a teacher in Aldbourne who is a bit of a cracker to Des and he got quite animated. Claire was listening in and I know that because her mouth twisted in a grimace. Maybe she is a singing teacher and lost a sale. The hash mag just isn’t long enough to record these wonderful exchanges.

432-5GOM said a few words about Jeremy as hare and all agreed it was a very fine hash. In fact not to understate it – it was a fabulous hash. Fiona got the pink shorts for elbowing her way to the front, although I think Brian said it was for something else.

Caroline got the other shorts but she couldn’t remember why when I asked as it had been five minutes earlier. I think Caroline might be our advance party into that home I was talking about earlier.

On, On!!

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