Hash 383 – The Bull Hotel @ Fairford

The useful thing about being GOM, is that having set a Hash that went down as one of the more miserable in recent memory, one can, if one wants, re-inflict it with impunity. And indeed, this is exactly what Brian attempted this week by returning to the Bull Hotel in Fairford, a mere 3 months since his last visit – see Hash 376.

The cause of this earlier misery was, of course, the English weather, and all indications for the past week have been that we would see a repeat performance this Sunday. Instead, and with great relief, we arrived at Fairford with fair weather prevailing.

GOM, as hare, had of course arrived early and was able to bag himself a prime parking spot in the car park in front of the Hotel. Unfortunately the rest of us had to squeeze in where we could; until, that is, Maurice and Olly arrived, when they were able to slide into a space, vacated just a few seconds earlier. There may have been dark mutterings about the “luck of the Irish”, but I won’t mention that.

Brian multi-tasked: he welcomed us, took numerous photos, did dog minding, called us all to attention (Mike …., “GOM is calling us all to attention”) and then explained the day’s Hash:
1: do not bother to beware of bulls,
2: there are three trails (short, medium, long),
3: no one is to do the short trail,
4: the short trail is exactly 1.83 miles,
5: the medium trial is exactly 3.41 miles,
6: the long trail is exactly a bit longer,
7: and then we were off ……

This Hash was memorable for a variety of reasons, not least that we hardly ever seemed to get any distance from Fairford – a loop out into the countryside, back to the town and then off out on another loop in a different direction. It all felt a bit like the barn dancing from the night before at my nephew’s wedding. The other memorable reasons included it being a delightful trail, first round lakes with fisherman in their bivvies and canoeists, then through fields and woods. Brian excelled himself by laying copious amounts of flour to totally eliminate the possibility of anyone going wrong. Unfortunately he had forgotten about Maurice and Jeremy, who hurdled a highly visible dead end sign. They eventually decided that perhaps they hadn’t seen flour in a long while and re-traced their steps.

Olly, was in top form, having set off at 7 minute mile pace and was not seen again until we met back up with him at the Hotel. Olly aside, the other runners were the ex-GOMs who agreed that Brian was doing a splendid job in his new role. We met Brian from time to time as we went round the course. Subsequent photographic evidence indicates that this was in order to take pictures of the walkers as none of the runners seem to ever appear.

No mention of Viv & John this week as they have vanished to Canada to avoid over-exposure in our mags. Hopefully, Viv will have avoided tripping over her own feet whilst away and will be able to stay upright for the duration of our weekend in Shropshire.

Back in the Hotel we sank into comfortable chairs, awaited the walkers (who had been forced onto the medium trail) whilst having a beer and trying to catch up with Olly who’d apparently been there for half an hour.

Mike was master of ceremonies, thanking Brian for a fantastic trail. Everyone agreed he (i.e. Brian) was showing great energy and enthusiasm in his newly acquired role as GOM.

His use of photos in the hash mags and his witty captions were greatly appreciated. However ……, there was some confusion over their use in the hash mag he handed out this week, as it had as its first picture, a shot of our dear Margaret and Kathy. Underneath was written “Old Spotted Cow”. Now, if he could enlighten us as to whom he was referring then hopefully the other will forgive him.

Annie presented the Horn to Jeremy, as a bribe to stop him repeating something she had previously divulged. Given that he (i.e. I) cannot now remember what it was, she seems safe. My only concern is that if I do remember, I might forget it’s the fact I’m not supposed to divulge. Perhaps I just ought to keep my mouth shut for a while. However, once thing I can divulge is that “All Hashers are invited to Annie and Mike’s annual Cream tea in the garden in aid of the Friends of Angel’s Orphanage – Saturday August 4th 2-30-5pm”

On On